I don’t really know how to start this post. Usually I have some sort of funny story in my head, but this time, I don’t.
I want to be fearless. And to me, right now, that means showing you this photo. I want to face an insecurity of mine and not be afraid of reactions. At first, I wanted to call it honesty, but then I realised it had not so much to do with honesty. It was about fear. You might be wondering what could be so scary that it needs its own post, well, actually it’s not that big of a deal. And at the same time, it is.
It’s wearing make-up. Or to be more precise, not wearing any. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some sort of make-up addict and I don’t even use that much (I think). And sometimes I even forget to put it on and realise it later, when I’m on my bike. And yet, I feel quite insecure without it. I’m scared that people might think I look weird (well, that’s a feeling I have more often, right now I’m scared you’ll think I’m weird for writing an entire post about not using make-up). But why? Why? Why do I feel insecure without it? And why am I not the only one? Why am I one of many? Why are there so many girls scared about the way they look without make-up on?
I remember hearing my niece say she did not want to leave the house without any make-up on, and I just couldn’t imagine why. She is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, she is so gorgeous, I’d almost say especially without make-up. And yet, she too was scared to go without.
It’s sad that girls feel like having to hide their face, because they won’t believe they’re gorgeous without that mask. It’s sad, that even though we are told that the pictures in magazines are photoshopped, we still believe we have to look like that, like that perfect face. It’s sad that we tell our friends they’re gorgeous, even without make-up.
One time, my love told me he liked me most without make-up. I was kind of hurt, almost. Wasn’t I good enough with my make-up on? Yesterday I realised how bizarre that thought was. Why do I want to be good enough with make-up on? Why do I want to be good enough when hiding my face? Now I realise that was such an amazing compliment: I love you the way you actually are, without hiding, without a mask.
I don’t want to be that kind of girl that tells her younger sisters: Oh, no, you’re gorgeous, don’t wear make-up! while putting all kinds of stuff on my face because I don’t love myself enough to go without. They look up to me, I know they do. One of my sisters (she’s eleven years younger) once said to me: I want to be like you when I grow up, and just as tall! Do I want her to be insecure? Do I want her to be scared of what people might think if she walked around without any make-up on? To be honest, that would be the most horrible thing I could image, just the thought nearly breaks my heart. So I’ve got to step up. I’ve got to show her, she looks up to me, she copies what I do (she wears my sweaters, even though they’re about five sizes too big). I’ve got to teach her: yeah, my skin isn’t too smooth, but that just means I’ve got to adjust my diet a bit, eat some more cucumber and a little less sugar, drink more water or tea. I’ve got to show her that, yes, I do have dark circles under my eyes, but that just means I need to sleep a little longer. I have to show her that no one should make me feel less about myself just because I’m not wearing any make-up and that most of all, I should not make myself feel that way.
Most girls need to learn how to love themselves. How to take good care of themselves without hiding. I mean, if Elohim, the God of all, made me with His own hands, and loved every bit of what He saw, how could I not love myself enough to go without hiding?
So, there you go. I want to be fearless.
For fun, I did half my face with and the other half without make-up (and no photoshop of any kind – I only ever do contrasts etc., because honestly, I don’t even know how to do the rest). I wonder if you even see the difference. Funny how such a small thing can feel like such a difference in confidence. I don’t want my confidence to come from some paint on my face. I want it to come from God.
And you? What do you want to be fearless about?
And just for the record: I’m not anti-make-up in itself. I like doing it for parties, sometimes it’s just fun. I don’t like make-up as the mask. I think there’s a difference between the two.
(And yay, I have short hair, but that’s a whole other story, for some other time!)